Just Thinkin'

(It’s becoming seemingly hard to find comfort, sometimes; in anyway you search for it. If it was once there or existed, it was only for a nano-second. I tire of hurting in a torrent of harmonious nightmares: a dull agony of damned-emotional pain and an eternity of physical torture. A match made in Hell. I am breaking down. I wish I didn’t have the ability to cry or maybe to inhere the inability to feel. The sight of the top is lost, once again. I’m back home and no matter how long you’ve dwelt or resided at The Rock Bottom Inn, the welcome back here becomes more bitter than sweet.. I was just thinking)

I was just thinking…

Of a life without worries or woes
A perfect life pictured with perpetual highs, minus the lows.
I’m thinkin’ of me with the ultimate body, healthy as can be
With my ideal man, adoring and catering, who would die if he didn’t have me.
I’m thinkin’ of four little brown-skinned babies, 2 boys and 2 girls with hazel eyes and dark hair all in curls.
I’m thinkin’ of a house with a yard strewn in the most spectacular shades of green.
The greenest, greenery you’ve ever seen and when you lay your eyes upon it, it’s almost boasting.
The front porch stands strong and proud and hugs the structure of the house as if it’s confronting you, “You dare try and break me down?!!”
All the while, inside the core, life is moving and when I’m here I can’t hurt anymore.
I’m thinkin’ of happiness, I’m thinkin’ faith and I’m thinkin’ non-stop for a plan before I lose my place.
Because
I’m thinkin’ I’m beginning to lose my mind
I’m thinkin’ I’ve known this isn’t a statement, it’s a fact and the truth has been evident for sometime.
I’m back in black
It suits me well
Darks running rampant, a place Color fears
Make believe and fairytales don’t survive down here.
All that glitters isn’t gold but you can find happiness
For the price of one’s soul.
I’m thinkin’ I’m learning and speaking the truth
I’ve been here the longest; I got here while in my youth.
I speak from experience and disgrace.
I speak from love and from hate.
I feel your tears and can taste my own.
My ups and my downs, laced with knowledge profound.
I’m thinkin’ and weeping, I’ve been here too long.
I’m thinking it’s about time for my journey to move on.